Shedding or Shielding Abandonment Fear
Struck by lightening once again
As I crumbled inside of myself
I watch my ego attempt to find ways
To control the outside world..
I Try to Manipulate my way into safety
to prevent myself from abandonment
I can see and feel the fear and terror of losing
I can see the buzzing of these scenes
panic around me adding layers of fright
Waiting for the small little pin to hit
As that person takes their twisted tool
And with one little tap
Shatters the glass wall around me
What shall I do?
My ego wants to control, me & all
To Prevent this Thing..I am afraid of
from happening
But in some strange way
my plans, and mischievous ideas
In attempts to control
& manipulate my way into safety
...feels just as unsafe...
Wrecking Havoc on my insides,
chaos, instability and fear..
…I step back for a second...
To see where I am.
I can chose to act out..
..on my fears..
As that Strike
of lightening..
Hits my
Eternal
Being
Or…I can choose to lay down my weapons.
The lessons will continue to repeat themselves until
I
choose differently.
I
can choose
to completely expose myself..
and every fear that shocks the fibers
Of my Becoming…
Or I can choose
to put up my Defenses & Act Out Self Will
Run Riot
I choose differently..
I choose to fall apart into the sky
of my splintered eye
As I lay them..
In the Hands
of My Goddess
As I choose to release… c o n t r o l
and T r u s t my Higher Power.
The layers of terror that I felt
Get neutralized
instead of firm-mented
Onto my armor
That blocks
the protection of my heart
My life beat.
Yes it is uncomfortable
Can I ride the waves of uncomfortability..?
I watch these layers
melt away
by my release
of control..
Washing into the ocean of the Unknown.
Is there anything I can really do to control the outcomes of Life beyond what Goddess has destined for me
and the fateful Akasha has already somewhat determined?
..Yet I still stand in choices..
..To make myself Feel crazy..
..Or choose to Surrender..
..To My Becoming..
To my Full Exposure
..of Wires, Nerves..
sitting frayed on my skin,
by my mouth, In my heart..
Waiting to spark fires of destruction
Of abuse, psychotic control, desperation, sadness, and ultimately wanting to hold on
..to something..
But can you really loose what's meant for you?
If something is not meant for you,
Trying to hold on
Is just a waste of time.
And emotional torment..
Another grueling lesson in attachment
& letting go
And we wait.
For our Goddess to Provide a Way
We probably have more chances of loosing by trying to evoke our Self over space..
Rather than allowing space.. to invoke us
But safety in the physical world
is just an illusion anyway.
Our safety comes…not of this world,
and the more we try to find it here, the more confused & empty we eventually become.
So Try With me
friends of the truth..
Lets lay down our weapons..
Allow ourselves to release..
the need to control
to protect ourselves
Allow ourselves to grieve..
Past, present & future..
Along all timelines & past lives
as we relinquish our armor
And Trust the Spirit of The Universe.
Remember...
inside of us
are lifetimes
of loving & loosing..
So what may seem to be emotions
Out of proportion..
May be the attempts of Self
To find multi dimensional healing..
Trust that you are taken care of by Spirit.
Even when it doeeeesn't feel like it.
Feelings aren't facts.
Together we Heal
Together we Rise
Together we Lay Down
Our Weapons
Water the ground of ourselves
With our tears
and watch gardens spring up
Into Blooming, wild..
Flowers
And Faaaalling backwards..
with Trust
Into the arms of the Stars..
🌠🌌🌠🌬✨
Messages for..
*Coping with BPD*
Love you guys, k
💖💜💔💜💖